Sex and Cancer - Impact and Hope
When I sit down with someone who is navigating life during or after cancer treatment, one of the most tender and often unspoken concerns that comes up is the impact on their sex life. I’ve seen firsthand how cancer can turn everything upside down—your body, your emotions, your sense of self, your relationship. And amid the whirlwind of treatments and doctor visits, it can feel like your sexuality gets lost along the way.
I want you to know that it’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to grieve the changes in your body, to feel uncertain about intimacy, or to worry about how cancer might affect your connection with your partner(s). But it’s also important to know that there is hope. Your sexual self is still a vital part of who you are, and it is possible to nurture that part of you, even in the midst of everything else you’re going through.
As a Denver sex therapist and an oncology therapist in Denver, I’ve had the privilege of helping folks navigate the complex emotions and challenges that come with cancer and sexuality. Whether you’re dealing with low libido, struggles with arousal, fears of pain, concerns about your body image, sexual communication issues, or the delicate balance of intimacy as a caregiver, sex therapy can be a source of support and healing.
Understanding the Impact of Cancer on Your Sexuality
Chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, and hormone therapies can put your body through extreme physical changes that impact your sexual function. Side effects like fatigue, hormonal imbalances, pain, and changes in sensation can make it hard to feel desire or experience pleasure in the same way you did before undergoing treatment.
If you’re struggling with body image, you’re not alone. Many people feel self-conscious about scars, weight changes, or other visible signs of treatment or the cancer, which can create a barrier to feeling sexually confident.
For those in caregiving roles, the dynamic can shift as well. The person you once shared intimacy with is now someone you’re caring for, and it is common to experience anxious thoughts around feeling like you’re causing discomfort or pain during sex. In addition, there is now a whole new identity for you - caregiver. That role change can make it hard to maintain a sexual connection without feeling the weight of also taking care of so many needs focused on the survivor.
How I Can Help You Through Sex Therapy
Sex therapy is deeply supportive for all folks involved and rooted in non-judgmental approaches. It helps individuals and couples to address and adapt to the challenges posed by cancer and its impact on their sexual and relational well-being. It’s about creating a safe, compassionate space where you can explore your feelings, your desires, and your fears with someone who understands. Here’s how we can work together:
1.
Reconnecting with Your Desire
If you’re feeling disconnected from your libido, we’ll take the time to explore what’s going on beneath the surface. Together, we can identify the physical, emotional, and psychological factors at play. I’ll help you discover new ways to connect with your desire, ways that honor where you are now in your journey.
2.
Finding Comfort in Arousal
Arousal can become complicated by the physical changes cancer brings. I can introduce techniques like mindfulness and relaxation exercises that help you focus on pleasure, rather than anxiety or pain. We’ll work on finding new ways for you to experience sexual satisfaction that align with your current needs and abilities.
3.
Strengthening Sexual Communication
Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy sexual relationship. I’ll guide you and your partner in having open, honest conversations about your needs, desires, and boundaries. We’ll work on building empathy and understanding, so you both feel supported and connected as you navigate these changes together.
4.
Addressing Fears Around Pain
Pain, or the fear of it, can be a significant barrier to intimacy. Whether you’re concerned about your own comfort or your partner’s, we can work through these fears together. I’ll help you find ways to have intimate experiences that are enjoyable and safe, tailored to your unique situation.
5.
Healing Body Image Concerns
Feeling good and sexy about your body is crucial for sexual satisfaction, and it’s understandable if cancer has changed the way you see yourself. We can work on rebuilding your relationship with your body and your sexuality, through exercises that foster self-compassion and internal safety when exploring sex/sexuality again.
6.
Navigating the Caregiver Dynamic
If you’re in a caregiving role, maintaining intimacy can be challenging. I’ll help you find a balance between care and connection, so that you and your partner can continue to share love and closeness without feeling overwhelmed by your new roles.
Moving Forward with Hope
I want you to know that every journey with cancer is unique, and so is the way you experience sexuality during and after treatment. What’s most important is that you know there are options, and there’s support available to help you through this challenging time.
Sex therapy isn’t about forcing a return to what was “normal” before cancer; it’s about helping you find a new normal that honors your experiences, your body, and your relationship. Together, we can explore new ways to connect, communicate, and experience pleasure, in a way that feels right for you.
Most of all, I want to help you find hope.
Hope that you can feel whole again, that you can reclaim your sexuality, and that you can share love and intimacy with your partner in ways that are meaningful and fulfilling.
You deserve to feel connected, valued, and loved—both by your partner and by yourself. And with the right support, I believe you can find your way back to a satisfying and fulfilling sex life. If you feel like my blended experience as a Denver oncology therapist and sex therapist could help you, I invite you to book a session with me so we can discuss your journey.